Accountability

Accountability is essential for any society to function and Christian accountability is no different. The Bible reminds us that God holds us accountable ((Romans 14:12) and that, as Christians, we are accountable to one another (I Corinthians 12). The need for accountability is paramount when sexual sin has been an issue in a pastor’s life. Many who have been trouble with sexual sin think they can get well alone. This is rarely, if ever, the case. Living a Lone Ranger lifestyle is often what led to problems in the first place.

A pastor can know hundreds of people and not really be known by any of them. In many cases, even the pastor’s spouse is locked out of personal thoughts and struggles. We all need to understand that one of the greatest contributors to sexual sin is loneliness. And, one of the best remedies for loneliness is accountability – not with one other person, but several. Accountability with people who know you intimately can result in feeling less lonely and less likely to give in to lustful thoughts and temptations. Understanding the basic principles of accountability and then living them out is one of the clearest ways God has of assisting us in living the lives we are called to live.

Basic Principles of Accountability

  • 1. We can’t recover alone. Recovery from sexual sin is a long journey, and we will need a community of accountability partners to assist us.
  • 2. A community doesn’t mean just one other person. It means a group of people who are stationed at the weakest points of our lives.
  • 3. We can’t wait until we are tempted before we act. It is important to prepare in times of strength and commitment for those times of attack we know will come.
  • 4. We must be accountable in our efforts to defend against times of temptation and accountable in our efforts to build a stronger, better way of living in the future.
  • 5. Being accountable means being totally honest. There is no other way to healing. Intimacy through honesty is the way to feel less lonely and the way genuine community with others.
  • 6. The motivation for recovery and healing needs to be understood as a service to ourselves, to our families, to others in the community of faith, and to anyone we come in contact with in the course of our ministry.
  • 7. There will be times when we get tired, or get distracted and even times when we pity ourselves. Central to the recovery and healing process is the our coming before God, asking for strength to stay at the task one day at a time.

Making yourself accountable to a group of others in whom you place trust is one of the more effective ways for maintaining a pure heart and keeping your life on target and balanced. It is the place to talk openly and honestly about struggles, weaknesses, temptations, and trials.

The following questions offer a possible format for an accountability group discussion.

  • 1. Have you purposely exposed yourself to any pornographic or sexually suggestive material this week?
  • 2. Have you been with another person this week in such a way that was inappropriate or could have looked to others that you were using poor judgment?
  • 3. Have you spent daily time in prayer and in God’s Word this week?
  • 4. Have you taken time off to be with your family this week?
  • 5. Have you had open and honest communication with your spouse and children this week?
  • 6. Is there anyone you need to ask forgiveness from? Anyone to forgive?
  • 7. Have you just lied to us about anything?

A written plan for recovery and healing is critical in the life of someone who has struggled and given in to the temptation of sexual sin. Be aware of rituals and acting-out behaviors and build accountability protection into your plan. Develop a plan that includes defensive measures to avoid the temptations, and proactive measures for spiritual and emotional health.

The road to recovery and healing is paved with accountability.

Robert Bly

Pastor

"I've been there and I've played that game. It took years for me to face my problem. At my lowest point I know I got careless, and even bolder in my use of porn. My wife caught me and some of your wives have caught some of you too. I could have, and likely should have been caught publicly. Thankfully that didn't happen, and when God's spirit broke through the dense fog of porn, and I responded during this period of grace, my ministry (and marriage) was preserved. It could have gone differently. I could have received that dreaded phone call from an elder, telling me that the church secretary had found something on my computer, or a member saw me in the adult section of a video store."